EPISODE 54: Taking the Time to Fill Your Cup
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THE LOWDOWN
I recently went up North to visit my sister on the farm she attends to and it was a much needed break to clear my head, find a change of pace, and fill my cup amidst a season of supporting our father through his cancer fight.
My journey was filled with driving the dog my sister rescued to her new home, watching her learn what her new normal was, experiencing an A's game, and watching the stars shine brightly at night.
In trying times we often tell ourselves over and over again that we are "fine." When in reality the external noise continues to weigh us down. Taking a moment, no matter how brief, to ourselves is essential in supporting those we need to. As the saying goes, "we must fill our own cups before we can fill the cups of others." Getting to spend a week away at the start of summer was just what my cup needed.
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Episode begins at [00:00:57]
TRANSCRIPT:
[0:00:00]
[upbeat and joyful music fades in]
[0:00:03]
Intro: Welcome to the Love Always, Jess podcast. I’m your host, Jess, and my mission is to give you the tools to step outside of your comfort zone and into your empowered self. Here, I encourage you to let go of shame and societal pressures and reimagine your future the way you want it. All of this is done through a lens of love. Love for self and love for others. When we show up in our best light, feeling confident, living vulnerably, and existing in our truth we give permission to others to do the exact same. If you’re ready to show up emboldened in your life, join me as we dive into hard topics, find joy in the small things, and love always.
[music fades out]
[0:00:57]
Hello, just as I was starting to hit record on this episode I noticed that today is June 21st, which means that it is the summer equinox, and it could not be more fitting for today’s episode recording. Primarily because I just got back from visiting my sister up at the farm that she works on Northern California, and my time spent there was very blissful. She lives in a two hundred square foot house, shack, whatever you want to call it, on the property and we got to, you know, spend time together. We shared a bed unless her boyfriend was over, where I slept on the floor on a mat, and then he had his child over and the child slept in the loft, so there were four of us in this quaint little, tiny house surrounded by farm vegetation, livestock, dogs…
[0:02:00]
That was kind of fun, we picked up a new dog for my sister on the way up and let me tell you, a new dog, a new energy, just changes things around so much, and it was really fun getting to watch this dog learn its new home and learn its new family. You could tell the moments when she was nervous. You could tell the moments when she was starting to become more comfortable. I was really excited on my last morning there because I woke up and she started to nosh on her – I think it was a pig ear. We had gotten it when we picked up from the rescue and she didn’t touch it all week. We had picked her up on Monday, I left on a Saturday, and she hadn’t touched it Monday through Friday, and then Saturday morning she started to gnaw on it. And one of the things that the rescue had said was that it was her favorite, her absolute favorite, and so when she wasn’t touching it all week we were kind of like, ‘okay, she’s not quite ready yet,’ but then waking up Saturday morning my heart fluttered when I heard her gnawing on it because that meant that she was finally getting comfortable with where she was. She was finally realizing that this is home and that she’s safe and loved, and it was a beautiful representation of my time at the farm.
[0:03:35]
For weeks leading up to going to the farm, inside I wasn’t necessarily feeling safe. And it wasn’t a physical safety thing, it was more of a mental safety thing. Back in April my father was diagnosed with leukemia. I’m sure I’ve shared a little bit on here about how we had recently lost our mother back in December of 2022 to breast cancer, and so we are – we meaning me and my family – we are still grieving the loss of her. She was a spectacular woman and to get the news that our dad has leukemia has been hard. I did not expect to cry. This season is a little bit different because I am the sole caregiver. We had a little bit of help, my brother can help here and there, but initially at the onset of all of this my sister obviously moved up North and my brother started a new job with the forest service and so he was gone quite often. You know it was a new job and so he needed to focus on that and it brought him a couple of hours away from home. So for at least the start of this process it was on my shoulders to go with my dad to appointments and to take him to the hospital where he went for a month of chemo. It was a lot and simultaneously during that time I was working twenty hour weeks at work, or twenty hour days, sorry, at work. I had an employee who had to go out due to her family emergency so I was taking on extra work and it was a lot. Back in May I was supposed to take a week off of work, which did not happen. I had too much to get done. *chuckles* You would think after all the hours I worked I would get stuff done, but there was just too much happening at one time that prevented me from fully being able to take the time off. And that time off I was actually supposed to go up and visit my sister, but it didn’t come to fruition. Which is fine, it worked out because she had other things that she needed to do.
[0:06:08]
Come this time in June she had said, “hey dad’s going back into the hospital why don’t you come up to visit.” The week leading up, I didn’t feel safe to go. My dad was going to be in the hospital, which meant he would be looked after and taken care of. As far as we had been told, he was doing great. He was responding to chemo well, his numbers were looking great. In fact, a couple of weeks before they had said he was in remission. Everything was looking positive. Great! Lovely! We’re happy to hear all these good newses. That was not great English. Anyways, one of the things we learned through my mother’s cancer journey was we don’t take the words remission strongly. My mom was told she was in remission and then a few months later cancer had spread to her entire body because it made its way to her bones. So while the doctors were saying my dad was in remission, we were still on track for him to get a transplant, in the back of my head I kept saying, ‘what if I go and something happens? What if I’m needed?’ We talked about this in therapy and the consensus was that I would still go because my brother could take care of things and I needed a break.
[0:07:35]
Being an older sibling, being the person who has been primary contact right now, it’s hard to take yourself out of the situation and take a break. It’s really hard because you keep telling yourself you’re okay. You keep telling yourself that it’s fine. The person who has the cancer is the priority and this is just a season and a chapter in your life. And it is! It is a season and it is a chapter – one that I will get through. But I still needed a break. I needed a break from work. I needed a break from doctors appointments and constantly checking in on my dad. So I went and took the time and it was good, and it was healthy, and it rejuvenated me. Time in the sunshine. Time with animals. Time with a new dog who was learning her home. It was a much needed break in this hard season.
[0:08:41]
If you are finding yourself in a hard season, whether it’s physical, or mental, or emotional, take it from me, take that break. Take that moment of reprieve because it’s worth it. And not only that, but you are deserving of a break, even if it’s one day. It doesn’t have to be a week like mine. In fact, mine wasn’t a full week. I worked while I was up there. I took Monday off to take my dad to hospital and then picked up a dog on the way and drove up to the farm. I worked Tuesday through Thursday and we had Friday off and then I drove home Saturday. Just having a change of scenery, a change of pace, waking up in the morning with the windows all open. I like to sleep with my windows open, but my sister’s place is tiny and it gets hot during the day because she doesn’t have air conditioning and so at night we let all the windows open and let the breeze come through. And the sun, she’s facing East, so when you wake up the sun is just rising and it’s just beautiful. It’s luscious greenery and you hear the chickens, and the sheep, and the dogs. It’s just beautiful.
[0:09:45]
So whether you take a week, or a day, find those moments of joy. Find those spaces and moments that you just have to relax and focus on yourself and not focus on anyone else. If you’re the primary caretaker, if you’re the primary whatever, ask somebody to give you a day. Say, ‘hey, can you cover this for one day so that I can take a day to myself,’ where you can sleep in, where you can pamper yourself, whatever that might look like. Because it’s important that we fill our cups before we fill the cups of others. It’s important that we are slightly selfish because having that selfishness gives us the strength to continue to push forward.
[0:10:42]
On my drive home last night I was talking to my dad and he was telling me about all the appointments he has coming up and I was like, “okay, let’s go.” He’s like, “no, no, no, somebody else can take me,” and I was like, “no, I will figure it out. I will move my schedule around. I will x, y, and z to show up, and on the days that I can’t, somebody else will.” I had my rest. I had my rejuvenation. I filled my cup so that I could now stand stronger and firmer in supporting him. In a way, I was starting to gnaw on my pork ear, or whatever it is that the dog was, because I felt safe again. I felt loved and home. My body could relax and I could say, ‘I’m here for you, I can do this.’
[0:11:26]
So on this beautiful summer day, I am going to go enjoy a beautiful lunch. I’m going to spend some time in the sun, and then I’m going to go pick my father up from the hospital and take him to celebrate Father’s Day with him. I love you all and I hope that you enjoyed your summer equinox when you celebrated it. I hope that whatever you are going through in life you make time for yourself. Even if it’s just a little bit because you need it. We all need it. We all absolutely fucking need it, no matter how many times we tell ourselves, ‘I am fine.’ So go plan something. Put it on the calendar. Make arrangements in whatever way you need to. Make it happen. Alright, I love you, bye.
[music fades in]
[0:12:14]
Outro: Thank you for listening. I hope this episode left you feeling more confident in the future you are creating. I would love to hear your thoughts on the podcast so please leave a review, and remember sharing is caring. If you know somebody who could benefit from this podcast on their own personal journey, please share it with them. What I know we need more of in this world are people who are thriving and living their own personal truths. I hope you will join me in making this world a better and brighter place by living a life filled with love always. And to you, dear listener, much love, always. Bye!
[music fades out]
[0:13:11]
Disclaimer: All audio and recordings on the Love Always, Jess podcast are owned, produced, and recorded by Jessica Trapp, owner of Love Always, Jess. AI was not used in the production of the recordings, art work, transcripts, or any other content associated with this podcast. All topics discussed are the opinions of Jess and are not professional advice.
[0:13:34]
